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NEWSLETTER #4

ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT BOUNDARIES

Understanding boundaries…

In the context of psychology, boundaries are a conceptual limit between you and the other person. To simply put, it’s about knowing when t, knowing what’s yours + what’s not. Acknowledging that every adult is responsible for themselves.

 
  • Physical – This refers to your personal space, your privacy, and your body. 
  • Emotional – This refers to a person’s feelings— not engaging in triggering topics, separating yourself from your feelings.
  • Communication – This refers to your conversations, how you speak to yourself + you speak with others & how others are allowed to speak to you.
  • Sexual – These are your expectations concerning intimacy. Sexual comments and touches might be uncomfortable for you.
  • Intellectual – These boundaries concern your thoughts and beliefs. Intellectual boundaries are not respected when someone dismisses another person’s ideas and opinions.
  • Time – This refers to how you spend your time. They protect you from agreeing to do things you don’t want to do, having people waste your time, and being overworked and how much time you spend on a certain task.
  • Financial – This one, is all about money. If you like to save money — not spend it on trendy fashions — you might not want to loan money to a friend who does.

SIGNS of LACK OF BOUNDARIES

HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES

 

  • get too involved with others’ problems
  • find it difficult to say “no” to others’ requests
  • overshare personal information with others
  • seek to please others for fear of rejection
  • feel less valued, honored, and safe

 

 

 

STEP 1
DEFINE : identify desired boundary

STEP 2
COMMUNICATE : say what you need

STEP 3
KEEP IT SIMPLE : don’t over explain but reinforce

STEP 4
SET CONSEQUENCES : say why it’s important

SETTING PERSONAL BOUNDARIES

EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES

  1. Approach the other person when you’re mentally not occupied
  2. Ask to speak/discuss the argument.
  3. Own any part you may have played in the argument going awry.
  4. Tell them that you are not OK with name-calling and that you will need them to engage without stooping to that level in the future.
  5. Create a space for dialogue

 

PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES

  1. Establish the concept of consent
  2. Wave from a few feet away.
  3. Smile and say, “I don’t shake hands, but I’m so glad to meet you.”
  4. Don’t feel the need to apologise or explain yourself beyond that.
  5. Politely communicate about your personal space, for instance, others can ask for your permission to enter your room

 

SEXUAL BOUNDARIES

You can prompt by saying something like, “I am looking forward to taking the next step in our relationship, but I’d like to take a moment to talk about what that might look like.”
Communicate things you are and are not comfortable with in an intimate situation.

TIME BOUNDARIES

  1. Decide in your mind how long you’re willing to wait beyond an agreed upon meeting time if someone constantly makes you wait.
  2. Give yourself permission to leave or cancel an appointment if that time isn’t met.
  3. If you’re dealing with someone who is perpetually late, communicate this to them ahead of time.
  4. Politely declining an invite if you feel stretched, and not feeling guilty about it

 

COMMUNICATION BOUNDARIES

  1. Take your + other person’s feelings into account 
  2. Show gratitude
  3. Give space for autonomy + avoid co-dependency
  4. Agree to disagree
  5. Take accountability for your actions
  6. Politely communicate what hurt you 
  7. Make use of “I” statements

 

FINANCIAL BOUNDARIES

  1. Set a monthly budget for yourself
  2. To conquer your shopping habits, wait for  1 month and then decide if there’s still a need for you buy the object
  3. Define major purchases for yourself + to your family/friends/partner
  4. Set financial goals 
  5. Politely  communicate your boundaries with money/loan lending

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